Changing Course: How America Got Lost, and How We Can Find Our Way Back Together

An Introduction to the Building Bridges To Common Ground Series

If we’re going to have a shot at living together peacefully, we need to understand each other.“
— Jonathan Haidt

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been interested in how things work (or sometimes, don’t work). But back in 2016, I was especially puzzled about a phrase I kept hearing people say during the US Presidential race between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. It was this:
“How could you possibly vote for (fill in the blank)?”.
It didn’t matter which side they were on–everyone had the same incredulous, confused tone in their voices.

Now, I know there have always been disagreements about who to vote for–that’s part of how democracy works. But what struck me then was that people weren’t just disagreeing–they genuinely could not understand how someone else could possibly come to such a bizarre conclusion. It’s like we were living in different realities. And of course, it hasn’t gotten any better since then…it’s continued to ramp up. How did we get so divided? And is there a path to finding our way back to some common ground? That’s the basic concept behind this blog series. And of course, this idea is not limited to politics. We experience deep differences and misunderstandings in our work environments and in our attitudes about how kids should be educated, our opinions about health and wellness, use of technology, environmental perspectives, and many other issues.

One thing we all have in common: we all have to make daily decisions about how we will live our lives. And our collective answers to those questions have a lot to do with how well we’re going to be able to live together. Where do we get our ideas and why does there seem to be so many differences in how we answer fundamental questions like this?

What This Series Is All About:

This Events For Change blog has always been about exploring ways we can create positive change. Most of what I’ve written in the past has been about using the power of gathering people together at events to facilitate and inspire changes. In this Building Bridges series, I’m going to focus more on the dynamics of how we can encourage change by having more productive conversations with people we disagree with, so we can reach some common ground where we can all live together and, even better, collaborate on improving our lives. I believe we can do much better than we have been, but we will need to build new skills and understanding if we want to get there. Obviously the way we’re used to doing things is not working well–I think almost everyone would agree with that.

This process starts with yet another set of simple questions: Can we really change someone else’s mind? If so, how? And are we open to having our own minds changed? (That last one may be the toughest challenge of all.)

These questions have taken on extra significance as our society grows increasingly polarized. Like many of you, I’ve watched friends and families divide over politics, witnessed the erosion of trust in our shared institutions, and felt the growing difficulty of having meaningful conversations across differences. Over time, what I’ve discovered is that there are some patterns behind this chaos—understandable reasons why humans behave the way we do, why society has evolved to where we are today, and most importantly, how we might chart a better course forward together.

I’m not suggesting that I have all the answers – I don’t! But what I can do is share a number of useful ideas from a lot of smart people I have stumbled across over the years. I’m interested in sharing these ideas with other curious, thoughtful people who have similar questions about why humanity often has such a hard time living together and how we might get better at that.

I’m not trying to sell you on anything, or get you to agree with me. I’m not here to persuade you that you are right, or that you are wrong. And the goal is not necessarily to get everyone to agree, which is likely to be impossible. Instead, the hope is to try to learn how to find each other around common values and concerns, so we can at least move forward together.

Topics We’ll Explore:

My plan is to explore five interconnected areas that help explain how we think, believe, and relate to one another:

Foundations: How Humans Process Information

Understanding our “lizard brain” versus our “wizard brain,” why emotions and instinct drive decision-making, and how our need for mattering shapes our worldview.

The Power of Stories

How narratives shape our reality, why stories are more persuasive than facts, and the origin stories that define cultures and individual worldviews.

Belief Formation & Maintenance

The fascinating ways our brains build and defend beliefs, why confirmation bias is so powerful, and why it’s so hard to change someone else’s mind.

Group Identity & Behavior

Our tribal nature, the moral foundations behind political differences, and the complex dynamics of belonging and exclusion.

Bridging Divides

Practical approaches to better conversations, techniques for genuine understanding, and building connections across differences.

An Invitation For You:

Warren Bennis once said, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” This isn’t just a collection of my observations—it’s an invitation to a conversation. At the end of most posts, I’ll ask: “What do you think? What am I missing?” Because I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do believe in the power of collective wisdom.

I hope you’ll join me in this exploration, add your own insights, and help build understanding. Because finding our way back to connection doesn’t require us to agree on everything—just to see each other more clearly.

What questions are you hoping this blog might address? What aspects of our divided world puzzle you the most? What do you think it will take to get people who disagree to at least have constructive conversations? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

Up Next: we’ll jump in with our first topic,
“Meet Your Two Brains: The Wizard and The Lizard”